SOURCE: Masturbating Intruder Mistakes Hyannis Business for Friend’s House, Gets Booted After Bizarre Late-Night Encounter

HYANNIS, MASSACHUSETTS – A Main Street business owner trying to finish some late-night work early Saturday got far more than he bargained for when he found a stranger masturbating inside his basement office. Around 12:30 a.m., the owner noticed the office door closed—something that never happens. Suspicious, he tried to open it. The door was shoved back at him from the inside. “Who’s in there?” the owner demanded. The intruder answered that he was “Chris’s friend” and that he was staying at “this house.” “This isn’t a house!” the owner shot back. According to the business owner, the man had been masturbating. Once confronted, the intruder quickly turned apologetic. Police arrived, detained him, and had him sit on nearby steps while they investigated. He remained cooperative and appeared remorseful throughout. The business is located on Main Street near the intersection with Winter Street, an area with several bars. Authorities have not confirmed whether alcohol played a role, though the possibility has not been ruled out. No charges were filed. The man, reportedly visiting Cape Cod from Illinois, was ordered to leave. The last anyone saw of him was when he climbed into an Uber and rode off toward parts unknown. Additional Overnight HN Photos:         ABOVE: A state trooper and downtown Hyannis police officers quell a common affray… Police working the Main Street area in Hyannis quickly stepped in during a sidewalk fight last evening. Sources say the violence began when someone started harassing a pair of 14-year-old girls. The girls’ father and uncle confronted the offending party, and a brief fight ensued. A state trooper and several Barnstable police officers quickly detained those involved while continuing to investigate. Once everyone had calmed down and officers confirmed no one was seriously hurt, all parties were sent away in separate directions. The girls’ father later told HN it happened to be his birthday—to which HN replied, “Happy Birthday!” P.S. – Today’s Hytown Vignette is brought to you by Michael Jackson… [CLICK IT/CRANK IT! HEADPHONES ABSOLUTELY OBLIGATORY!]