HN: “I’LL NEVER BECOME ONE OF THOSE USELESS LOTUS EATERS DOWN BY THE DOCKS!”

“Finish your beer, there’s sober kids in India!”   ~ An elder cousin, back in Nova Scotia   [HN NOTES & MULLINGS ON THE MATTER]  I’m sure just about everyone has heard of “Peewee’s Big Adventure” (It’s a pretty funny flick. “Requiescat in pace,” Paul Reubens). Well, this week it’s going to be “HN’s Big Adventure,” perhaps better titled, “HN’S BIG STAYCATION!” Don’t tell anyone, but I have a huge rolled-up wad of hundreds tucked away in an old, rusty tin coffee canister I’ve secretly buried somewhere beneath the turf on the Hyannis Village Green, right behind Barnstable’s Town Hall. (Good luck diggin’ fellas, but I doubt you’ll ever find it without a proper shovel and a little donkeywork. HINT: It’s exactly 143 HN paces from that big tree over there. Just pick the right direction and start diggin. It’s only about two feet deep. You’re bound to find it eventually – that’s if I don’t need to dig it back up first.) But it contains a small fortune! And if I wanted to, I could unearth my hard-earned buried bounty and plunk it all down on just about any luxurious vacation package I desired. In fact, I could live like a King (for a week or so) anywhere in this entire wide world! If I wanted to. But that’s not my style… … so, as they say on the local Cape links, “good luck and replace your divots, boys!” But mighty tempting “coffee can moolah” always has a way of toying with one’s twisted imagination. With it, I could rent one of those pretentious, souped-up “pleasure boats.” Bomb around Nantucket Sound all the livelong day, pounding booze, fish, and whatever other poor thing who managed to make her way onboard. But that’s not my style either. (And I’ll leave those types of low-life, dickhead moves to the over-indulged, over-age, over-weight, over-self-important lotus eaters down by the docks… with their little boy toys, fancy cars, date rape drugs, fake Jersey accents and seemingly innocuous pastel-colored shorts. Useless, oxygen-wasting scumbags that they are… but I once again digress…) I could also rent one of those rickety old airplanes and a parachute. Fly over Sandy Neck and “bombs away” my ass toward the dunes and scrub pines below, hoping the wind doesn’t carry me into someone’s beachside “McMansion.” But alas, that’s a definite no-go for the time being, since I wised up long ago, deciding the only time I will ever parachute from anything, is if I’m forcefully drafted to shoot a bunch of other uniformed people from some far off, exotic land, in the name of freedom, democracy and the American Way. Call me an uncompromising and fussy killer… but everyone has their shortcomings while strapped into their forced pursuit of the illusive American Dream. So yeah, jumping from old propeller planes for “thrills” while on vacation has been officially crossed off my vacation list, for the time being. And so are carnival rides! Have you ever seen the barely-conscious dopes that put those maintenance-deferred heeps of junk together? Just sayin’… … and besides, I don’t think anybody has ever been forced (simply for the crime of being born with a Y chromosome) to legally chase after and shoot an “enemy” after a white-knuckled go on some dilapidated tilt-a-whirl trucked in from God only knows where. So yeah, I’m out. I’ve also thought about taking a long homesick drive back toward the deep woods up north, to the Gaspé… or maybe a trek somewhere in the vast forests, rivers and lakes of Nord-du-Québec… spend a good solid week “poking the bears” somewhere else for a change. But then it occurred to me, I actually like bears more than I do most people. So, messing with poor Pooh Bear for kicks is off my fun list as well. Besides, I decided long ago, that I’ll never hunt or pester wildlife, unless, of course, some angry backwoods creature decides to pull a blade on me first. THEN I’LL CUT A FURFACE!  Because then, it’s only self-defense at that point… which I don’t see happening. Mother Nature and I have a long-standing peace treaty which dates way back to my Québécois and First Nation roots (on my father’s side). In fact, it’s written into that small percentage of my Indigenous Peoples DNA, to not #&%*@^%! with the earth and its innocent creatures (unless they try to shank me first). Inward ho!  (No, not the kind of “ho” you’re thinking of… get your head out of the gutter!) In short, I’ve decided to embark on staycation to sunny downtown Hyannis via my own unhindered senses! There’s an old favorite book of mine that I dust off on these momentous occasions, by Zen Master Charlotte Joko Beck, entitled “Everyday Zen” (Love & Work). The opening paragraph begins as follows: “My dog doesn’t worry about the meaning of life. She may worry if she doesn’t get her breakfast, but she doesn’t sit around worrying about whether she’ll get fullfilled or liberated or enlightened. As long as she gets some food and a little affection, her life is fine. But we humans are not like dogs. We have self-centered minds which get us into plenty of trouble. If we do not come to understand the error in the way we think, our self-awareness, which is our greatest blessing, is also our downfall.” A little food and affection has always gone a long way with me. Which is why Arya and I always have so much to talk about. We’re peeps! Some might be wondering the significance of the today’s top HN Photo. (Got your attention, didn’t it?)  Well, that photo was actually made last week when a firearm was secured and confiscated during a Hyannis traffic stop —-  But that’s all folks. I’m off-duty, for realz. (I’ll be back tho…) And lastly, here’s an apropos movie quote that also outlines my current vacation plans and intentions: Vern: What are you going to do today, Napoleon? Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh! (Ties a string to his action figure and chucks it out the window) ~ from Napoleon Dynamite, 2004     HN NOTE: Also, please don’t forget to leave a little tip if you’ve consumed and appreciated HN breaking news over the past decade. Many major stories would have gone ignored if my dog (Arya) and I had not been out there all night. And besides, my dog and I could use a little something for our anticipated old age. (And I know we’ve put the time in… our joints can still feel those long nights). We love what we do… but a little rest, re-tooling, and rethinking never hurt anyone. Please take care and be safe. All of our love – and until next time! Rob & Arya PLEASE CLICK HERE TO CONTRIBUTE A LITTLE TO HN. WE THANK YOU VERY MUCH! DISCLAIMER: Not all of the lotus eaters along the docks are armed with date rape drugs, but some are! So always be extra careful out there! P.S. – Today’s Hytown Vignette is a brought to you by The Peddlers… headphones obligatory! [CLICK IT/CRANK IT!]