Thoughts on the Arranged Facebook Marriage

By TRB

This is a special Mother's Day for me - in a way.
I almost fell into what certainly looked like an arranged marriage with a beautiful girl from India, someone I "met" on Facebook and wanted to become a member of this Facebook page. Perhaps this happened to me as a warning. Lately I have been requesting membership of quite a few models and other women known for their beauty. I mentioned this last night in a Facebook conversation with one of my oldest friends here, Mary Larkin. She is usually a very good source for advice about Facebook matters, and life in general.
Her opinion was that models were good for Facebook. They didn't make trouble or argue over political matters. In fact you would barely know they are there. This is, in fact, true. Models are generally well-behaved and even polite and thoughtful. Good people. Sometimes you have to bar from the page the various men who follow them around harrassing them. But that is about it. I liked them. I had all the time in the world to "talk" to my non-model Facebook friends or to listen to music, work on my daily column.
Several weeks ago it occured to me that I was chosing only models from the U.S., so I made it a mission to create Facebook friendships with models from all around the world. This was going along quite well as I befriended models from England, France, Germany, Italy, and half a dozen other nations. I figured the experience of Facebook might be more interesting if they could trade stories with their counterparts from around the world.
No, I was not playing model God.
When you have a page on Facebook you can only befriend people. They are free to do what they want, whether it is playing music, writing their opinions, or whatever else they might think of. All you can do is help to prevent people from bothering people you have befriended. As I said, it is usually a quiet scene from my perspective
Then I befriended a very beautiful young woman from India.

At least that is what I thought I was doing.
You have heard all of the horror stories of various matters taken out of context in the Facebook environment, the intended joke that seems like the worst kind of insult to the person you are writing to. The come-ons that aren't come-ons. The aren't come-ons that are come-ons. Facebook is a lot like that building full of mirrors at the old carnival. What you see isn't always what you see. In fact it never is more than a pixelized picture.
And what you hear is not to be trusted either. It is simply half the time too "foggy" to determine if you are "conversing" with someone who is coming from the same place. When you can't see the person's expression, it leaves a lot of room for mistakes.
This is how I almost became engaged or married, or whatever to a potential Facebook friend last night. She accepted my invitation to be on the page. I was thrilled. Someone from India. Excellent. The page was taking another step towards the truly international. Then, maybe two hours later, I received a message from a male relative of the potential Facebook friend. In so many words he wanted to know how I would treat her.
I responded by saying the page had a number of people on it with whom she could share ideas and pass the time. And I would make sure she wasn't bothered by anyone. In my mind, I am picturing a father or perhaps an older brother who is naturally protective of his sister and who needs reassurance. I provide that by saying I will "look out for her" and make sure she is okay.
I thought that was the end of the story. I still didn't know if the potential Facebook friend would receive permission to join what I have come to think of as "our" page. "Our" being myself and maybe a dozen or so other people who have been intermingling by computer for a few months now and have generally gotten along without any major arguments or disruptions, at least none that I would admit.
So I was waiting to hear back from this young woman when I recieved a message from a person who I am pretty sure is her mother. She wants to know when I will be coming to India. I was quite taken aback by this news, having never been taken out of context to this degree on Facebook. This was now a whole new Facebook experience.
Soon, this message is followed by another from the one I believe is her older brother. He is suggesting the flight I should take or the airport where I should land. How do you come back from this kind of misperception?
I was thinking of that Facebook message. Could I write it ? What would it look like ? Perhaps, something like so: Dear__________. I can not come to India at this time, although I am sure it would be lovely to meet you. In the meantime, however perhaps you might allow your daughter to join my Facebook page."
That wouldn't work. Then they would just be waiting for the marriage to be announced and all that. In India, I believe they have to pay you to marry their daughter. But since I am an American, with the means to purchase their town on a payment plan, they probably wouldn't expect to have to pay me. I am not suggesting these were bad people. They are probably lovely people with a deep concern and love for their daughter and her future.
No the letter would have to be more to the point, Something like, "I do not intend to marry your daughter. I would like, however to offer her membership on our Facebook page. Sorry for the misunderstanding."
Actually, I am so freaked out by this experience, my plan is to do absolutely nothing.