By TRB
Until recently the craziest thing I have ever heard came in over my headphones from the pilot of a helicopter. We were in a perfect snow white-out.There was a General officer mumbling prayers in the front seat and the pilot turned to me in the back and said casually, "Do you think it's upside down in here?" I thought about that for a long time before I answered. "No I don't feel upside down."
He explained that in a snow white-out, we might become disoriented and just fall out of the sky. I thought about that for a long time too. And then I tapped him on the shoulder so we could make eye contact. And I said, "Maybe you're the only one who's upside down in here." He replied with a snicker, "Yes but that would be bad enough."
It was dumb anyway. The pilot was some burned out dust-off Vietnam loon and the General was just flying around in a snowstorm because he had nothing better to do. And the pilot's instruments could have easily shown him the orientation of the aircraft. So he was tryng to scare me.
He didn't know me.
I was reminded of this ability of mine to make minor adjustments to all kinds of craziness without losing it when I was sitting with a cartoon character the other night, an excellent DJ by the way, in some unmarked message purgatory on my Facebook page. I said, Do you have a gender, are you male or female and have you ever had a crush on a human." Took him about five minutes to scribble out an answer.
He said he was neither a girl or a boy. He was cartoon character. And the only guy he ever had a crush on was the young illustrator who animated him. Well, that made perfect sense to me. Was I trying to pickup a cartoon character? No. Well, maybe.
Let me tell you how this began. And keep in mind that every word of what I am about to tell you is true - in the world in which I experienced it. I guess you could call it an upside down world.
My Facebook page is an interesing stopping place in time. It mostly consists of models, actors, artists, writers and rock musicians, but other than that not much happens that doesn't occur in other places. I am not saying that normal people would want all of us to suddenly arrive in their neighborhood.
The other day one of the people I invited to my Facebook page came to me while we were on Facebook and asked if he and the other Muslim men and woman could have their own room. After a few minutes I began to agree with him. Westernized music was bothering them, skimpily clad models were bothering them.There as a clash of cultures on my Facebook page.
Well it just so happens that Facebook provides you with some computer-generated halls just off the main page for events and occurances like this one. The guy wanted to call his group "The Best." I told him to put out a shingle and have at it. And I forgot about it. Meanwhile my Muslim friend's requests came in and before I knew it, "The Best" were 230 strong. Our general population of everyone had been below 200 before then, so apparently the Muslims were enjoying some success in getting their organization off the ground, and that was fine with me.
Next to "The Best" was another organization that was promoting or rather asking Jimmy Fallon the late-night talk show host to allow someone to be a guest on the show. Somehow I was a member of both of these organizations, but my main activities on Facebook were talking with my friends and playing records. Then "The Best" invited me over. The leader of the group showed me a roster with my name on it. I was the only non-Muslim member but they wanted to honor me and all that.
That's when the fairy came into the room and asked me to step aside, She gave me her name, which I will not mention, because this whole thing is still playing itself out. She had rock videos with her. They were the kind of "sexy video" you would expect to see on MTV. She asked me to watch all of them. I said the music was bad but professionally performed pop music and I wasn't bothered by the fact that the video seemed to have a bondage theme.
Then the fairy asked a Muslim to watch it. While this was going on, large cans of paint were entering the room. Their faces were on their labels. They looked like pretty bad guys.Before I even knew what was going on the fairy, her sister, who said she was a princess, my cartoon character (who is now a certified "friend " on my page) and several other suspicious people had taken the Muslims hostage.
I went to some computer generated blue space where my friends were discussing something about the famous American bluesman Howling Wolf, whose records they had been playing all day. I tried to explain to my friends what had just happened. Unfortunately, they thought it was a riot.
So I had to perform my own investigation. Who was this fairy, who were these Muslims? What the hell was happening to my Facebook page? What I discovered, using Facebook's own computer system, was that they were all "mutual friends," Muslims and non-Muslims who set up tent in any neighborhood like mine where dozens, no hundreds of our pages have come together to form a community and it is like an ongoing drama. Like a television series, but you are in it.
It is a bit like the minstral shows of the Late Middle Ages, many of which requried roles also be played by town residents.
So the hostage situation continues at my Muslim community center but we are just an "audience" for these Facebook players who could tell you more than just a little bit about the upside down in here.
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