Today Is my sixth round of Chemotherapy. For some reason, I am extremely anxious about it. I woke up with my stomach in knots, and the nerves have persisted. Why?
I think I’m a little scared because things have been going well. The wedding went off as well as it could, and I felt okay. Emma and I just wrapped up our honeymoon in Cape Cod, and that was a swell week as well. I had an appetite. I could eat.
Guys, I had a burger and fries. I mean, that was an unfathomable thought a mere four to five weeks ago.
So with things looking up in terms of how I’m feeling, it’s tough to go into Chemo knowing I’m going to feel like garbage for at least three to four days. It’s like I’m purposely going backwards, and while I know this is the right and only thing to do, the mental side of me I can’t control is fighting a battle it knows it has to lose.
That’s at least my working theory as to my current over-anxious attitude. Someone more steeped in psychology can poke holes and dig deeper if they want.
The hilarious thing is that many readers of these Stanko Chemotherapy recaps want to hear about good things, like the wedding or the honeymoon. Instead of getting pummeled with descriptions of the delicious food Emma and I ate in Provincetown, they opened up this post, getting my inner thoughts and self-therapizing.
You never know what you are going to get at Stanko’s Stance.
Alright, let’s get to the honeymoon. It started terribly!
I rented a car for our trip to Cape Cod, and I splurged. I got an Elite Sized SUV the equivalent to an Audi S3. If Emma and I are not going to France this year, then we’re going to travel in style to PTown.
The local Enterprise establishment had different ideas.
It took 100 minutes for Emma and I to pick up our car. That is one hour and 40 minutes for those counting at home. We waited that long to get a vehicle that WE DID NOT RESERVE.
I, Jonathan Stanko, actually got furious. I know, it’s shocking. I got angry and expressed my anger in my classic silent, seething way.
Now, was this terrible experience solely the responsibility of the employee at Enterprise? No. There was one woman working, and she was swamped. She was checking people in, checking people out, shuffling cars back and forth, vacuuming the vehicles, and probably running them through the car wash too. I am not kidding when she was the only one there.
So, regarding the customer service part of this 100-minute horror movie… it’s not the main villain.
In hindsight, the most infuriating part of this process came when Emma and I sat inside the poorly AC’d establishment. A man who had already been checked in requested a car change because he needed more space. This man knew the Enterprise worker by first name and must have been a veteran car renter. The women looked at the options outside and decided it was okay for him to swap car types…FUCKING OVER EMMA AND I.
This man booked a car and made a mistake in booking a vehicle that was too small. Emma and I booked an Elite SUV, knowing we needed the space, and we saw a man make a hot swap right before us. He stole the rental car that we were supposed to take. How do I know this is true? When it came time to pick the vehicle we needed, the options were depressing. It was either a Chevy midsize, far less than what I had paid for, or a midsize BMW.
For those who know cars, Emma and I were forced into taking the BMW X2 because it had the most trunk space of anything on the lot. The car was also from 2021, which is old when it comes to rentals. Sorry. You look at the dashboard and know it’s ancient, especially regarding the typical up-to-date rental car opportunities. In all honesty, Emma and I had a more up-to-date and smoother ride with a Prius when we rented a car in Iowa than this BMW.
And in terms of the size. The BMW X2 is a sumcompact crossover SUV. That is not the same as an Elite SUV. There is a big space difference. There is a significant quality difference. I know I sound like a #&%*@^%! asshole complaining about what BMW I am driving, but I wanted to get what I paid for…and I simply did not. Emma and I got #&%*@^%!.
Not to mention that the car X2 Emma and I were driving started blinking with warning lights on our way home. We had an emergency oil change message pop up, and the tire pressure lights started flashing.
It is safe to say that we will not be returning to this specific Enterprise establishment anytime soon.
But let’s move on. Emma and I arrived in Provincetown and had an absolute blast on our honeymoon. We stayed at a private cottage that was part of an Inn, meaning we had a dome of privacy with the benefits of hotel staff and accommodations. Did Emma know this when she booked the place? Nope. But what a pleasant surprise.
What exactly did we do on our Honeymoon? In all honesty, a whole lot of nothing, and it was great. Emma and I made it a point to have only a few reservations or appointments. The only pinpointed events were two dinner reservations and a movie showing at the local drive-in. The rest of the time was about going with the flow, whether that be going out to lunch, staying in and reading our books, or going to the beach. There were no calendar reminders.
One thing about our honeymoon I absolutely loved was how early Emma and I turned in every night. We were in bed with our books (or my Steamdeck) by 10 PM every night. We went to bed earlier on our honeymoon than we do at home. It’s tiresome doing nothing all day.
The typical day on our vacation began at 7 AM when the alarm went off. Did that mean we got out of bed at that time? Nooooo, but it meant that we were awake. Emma and I would mosey downstairs, and she would begin making breakfast while I went across the street to a coffee shop and brought back a Latte for my lady and a smoothie for myself.
There were two days that we went out to breakfast, and damn, those days were absolutely delicious. If you go to Provincetown, I strongly recommend Liz’s Cafe. It is off the beaten path, meaning not on Commercial Street, but the food and the mood are grand. My french toast extravaganzas filled me with enough calories for the entire day. But don’t you worry, we kept on eating.
Of all the food consumed, there were some standouts.
My favorite appetizer came from Mews Restaurant. I got Lobster dumplings and expected the classic four dumplings on a plate with some dipping sauces. Instead, the dumplings came in a soup with a delicious broth. I slurped all that up.
My favorite entree of the week was the first one I had from a place called Patio American Grill. I ordered mussels and fries, and GOD DAMN, did it hit the spot. It was a test of how much I could eat, and what I could eat. I passed my first test with flying colors. The mussels came in a delicious wine sauce that was a perfect dipping sauce for my side of fries. The meal itself was so good, and the internal feeling of knowing I could eat it, and all of it, was a huge weight off my soldiers.
The best dessert of the weekend was an experience. Emma and I ordered takeout on our last night and started watching VEEP (I have not seen it before and yes, it is very good). There was a point in the night when we paused the show, went outside, and got ice cream from The Nut House. This walk down Commercial Street was a perfect cap to a great week. We ate the ice cream on the walk back, and then opened up the fridge and devoured a chilled bakery made dark chocolate peanut butter cup. This dessert is about my memory as much as my taste buds.
An extra favorite for the readers, and those who aren’t drinking alcohol. The Patio American Grill also wins my award for best mocktail. It was some sort of strawberry lemonade concoction that made me want to order a double.
Now, I can’t give my personal food favorites without telling you Emma’s as well.
Emma had a gut reaction for her favorite appetizer, and that honor goes to the Bang Bang Shrimp at Patio. However, after a few minutes, she remembered the Grilled Octopus we had at Sal’s. Two very different types of teaser foods, but I can agree that both were delicious in their own right.
Hands down, the winner for Emma’s best entree belongs to Mews Restaurant. She ordered the Atlantic Cod, and it absolutely blew her out of the water. The portion of the Cod was HUGE, and the miso marinade and glaze combined with a sake butter sauce and seasoned rice made the whole meal her favorite food of the entire week.
On the dessert side, Emma leans toward the custom cupcakes at ScottCakes. This is a small mom-and-pop shop that makes only one cupcake, but damn do they make it well. What I can say about this cupcake is that its frosting was perfect. I was worried it’d be too sugary, but instead, it just melted in my mouth. Emma would like to note that her impromptu cookie dough ice cream purchase post-mini-golf really hit the spot, though she wasn’t expecting five scoops for a small.
The best drink also belongs to Mews. Emma ordered a cucumber lemon drop martini, and she sipped that colorful (mostly vodka) concoction to her heart’s content. There is an honorable drink mentioned: getting a latte (along with a lemon poppy scone) and enjoying her second breakfast outside in the shade while reading.
So with a full belly I can say that the honeymoon was great, but now the honeymoon is over. Both in a literal and metaphorical sense.
I have surgery scheduled for July 30th to have a stent installed into my esophagus to help swallow food. After that, it’s back to reality. I need to return to work, and Emma will return to teaching before you know it.
Figuring out my life and schedule is going to be tough, and it’s going to be maddening. I am going to want one thing, but adjustments are going to be necessary. As of today, I have none of my future Chemotherapy treatments scheduled. Ideally, I would love to go every other Thursday until the end of the year, but that seems like a pipe dream.
It is impressive and improbable how well an every-other Thursday/Friday (at home) Chemo would fit with future appointments and opportunities for Emma and I. If all things work out, Emma and I would be able to have easy travel to my sister’s wedding in Colorado; we’d be able to partake in our annual Anti-Halloween party with our friends as well as our planned November Boston weekend trip to watch the Eagles at Alumni Stadium. The only downfall would be that my Chemo would fall on Thanksgiving week and Christmas week, but it’s safe to say that MSK’s scheduling around those holidays would be wacky anyway.
We can dream of a set plan, but executing on an audible will be necessary down the road.
I don’t want fluctuating doctor’s appointments because I want to have a normal schedule when I return to work. I need to have a conversation with my boss, but here is what I am thinking about for a back-to-work plan.
- For the weeks I have Chemo, I would need off that Thursday and Friday. I could be around to help those weekends, but traveling to a place would be tough. Working from home would be an option on those weekends. Ideally, I would like to work from home the Mondays after Chemo because I have therapy on that day, and it would give me an extra day to recoup energy.
- Once I pass by Chemo, I would like to be in the office. I would like to be around people and help out. I know I will need to learn things that have been implemented since I’ve been away, but that’s exciting. Give me something to pass the time.
- One problem I will have, which is strictly a “me” problem, is that if I have to work late for a gambling stream, I will need to learn to give myself the blood thinner shot that I need at night. This is a mental hurdle I will need to hop over. Oh, how I wish it were a pill. #&%*@^%! cancer and not being able to take certain medications.
- Regarding my work schedule, I would need to bite the bullet and ask for some grace from my boss. I need to let him know that if I wake up one day and my body is fighting me on every level, I need to work from home to the best of my ability that day. That would mean my boss would need to trust me and that I am not lying to him (which I hope I have earned), and I will need to work on at-home projects.
- I need to come prepared with ideas for the at-home component of this conversation with my boss. I know there are some DraftKings gambling stream sheet projects I can work on. Another more extensive Barstool production needs sheets, but I’m unsure if I will be back in the mix by then. Perhaps there are other things I can do remotely, like organizing footage or even planning schedules or trips. There are probably ideas and projects I am unaware of, and this is a proclamation to anyone at Barstool reading this…I am open to all ideas.
Can you tell I am a bit stressed about returning to work? No? That’s good.
I’ll end on a happy note. I bought myself a PS5 as a wedding gift. I was going to do golf clubs, but since I can’t golf anytime soon, I swerved. I have enjoyed playing
The Last Of Us 2 and begun to dabble in NCAA Football. My dynasty path began yesterday with a win as the head coach at UTSA.
