The Toothless Man at the End of the World

By TRB

I was standing with the toothless man outside of the Stop and Shop off to the side of the parking lot tarmac. It was a beautiful day. He was sucking butterscotch balls, my gift to him on this bright spring morning.The supermarket sparrows were flitting everwhere. Some were drinking up the anti-freeze that had leaked from the cars. It is sweet, you know. And deadly.

Suddenly a cop car pulls up and a young man maybe 25 asks me if I am all right. He didn't ask the toothless man anything. The toothless man is not to be spoken to, apparently. I am looking at this cop, He had what looked like a spray device in his holster and his weapon. His handcuffs are in a separate leather pouch. Leather is important to this cop. He is also wearing black leather boots and gloves. He's got his sunglasses pulled down, His thick black turtle neck covers his neck,

I don't know what to say to this guy. Is he suggesting that my toothless friend might try to harm me? Is he going to gum me to death? But I have worked as a cop before, as a military policeman, in towns twice this size, even 10 times this size. We had it all, murders, rapes, bank robberies, car thefts. It was police work. I don't know what this guy is doing, or even why he is over here asking me anything.

I'm thinking maybe the Supreme Court got up in the middle of the night and revoked the right of freedom of assembly.We have crazy men on this court, real crazy men who are apt to do anything, because they are political ideolouges, not really fair-minded justices. They have a political agenda where they are not supposed to have one. They belong in political office, not on the bench, deciding how we will live our lives.

So I tell the cop I'm fine and he glances over towards the toothless man as if to say, How can you be fine hanging out with someone like that? But he leaves.

Lot of cops around says the toothless man.

And there are. There are too many cops. Too many cops with this damned John Wayne complex, like they are just dying to shoot someone of bust someone. Paranoid cops. Cops who don't even know how to fill out the paperwork. Cops who got their jobs from their relatives who were cops. Cops who couldn't run one block without having a heart atack. Cops who see a woman or a person of color as someone to hassle. And they are everywhere, these foolish cops. No, the cops ain't what they used to be, i.e. part of the community. They are more like an aggressive and oppresive cult today than actual police.

But the tooothless man doesn't really care about the cops. It is rather a question not smaller than the actual end of the world that occupies his mind.

He's not impressed with recent predictions of the world's demise; he is thinking more in terms of five or six years from now. I am nodding my head, trying to determine if he really believes this, or he's just trying to suck me into some crazy nightmare he's experienced, when he pulls an open bottle of Scotch out from under his wool coat and asks me if I want a "swig."

No thanks.

He is being taken over by his beard. I do not know why. He lives in housing for the handicapped just up the street. All he needs is a razor. But the monthly check goes to booze and cigarettes today. He wouldn't waste it on razors. He is probably five years younger than me but looks ten years older because of his face which is ravaged by the signs of long-term alcoholism and his posture. He is always leaning against something. He gets all his clothes from a nearby Salvation Army drop off center. He is always well dressed.

He tells me that the U.S. and other nations are desparately in search of a habitable planet for the earth's super wealthy. It sounds like a good enough conspiracy theory. I am pretty sure someone has already made a movie along those lines. He says that's why they're not doing anything about global warming - because they plan not to be here when the whole mess falls down around us.

This leads to a mindbending story that involves Richard Branson and Virgin Airlines. He says they are currently designing a "global fleet" to remove the wealthy from this dying star and the rest of us will just have to stand there and watch as the wealthiest ride off to another planet. This is beginning to remind me of a Neil Young song, except the Young song is better, or was it Joni Mitchell, who wrote the song "Woodstock," We are star dust, we are golden. Was the end of the world somewhere in Joni's song, too?

The problem is that the only really habitable planets are decades in travel time from here, I tell him. His eyes narrow and he smiles. He wants to know what made me believe they would be going that far. They are just going to the moon he tells me, assuring me they are already there, the construction crews building a habitat for the wealthiest people on earth. I ask about oxygen and he tells me they have already discovered a way to get moisture from the rocks, that there may even be underground oceans and this (I forget how) will allow them to produce oxygen and even electricity for that matter.

I am still not buying it. So he goes political on me. Look at the economy, he says. So? Look at the greed. Yeah? Look at these people stealing like there is no tomorrow. And what is being done about it? Where is the job market? Why are banks not making loans? Why are there cops everywhere you look everyday and why have you lost so many of your rights? You know they can break into your house now, search it and not even tell you about it?

You see, something has changed and it ain't 9/11. It's the government and the rich; they're going to leave us here. That's what all this Homeland Security is about.

Yes it is crazy. He is crazy.

I asked him once why he had no teeth. Got 'em all kicked out, he told me. But I got choppers at home.

You have false teeth? Why don't you wear them?

Because it's harder to get the bottle in and out of my mouth when I've got my teeth in.

The toothless man is still up there today, drinking his Scotch, keeping an eye on the cops, looking for designer brand clothing in the Salvation Army bin.

He has nothing better to do, and, in his mind, it will all be over soon anyway.