The John Birch, Nut Job, Glenn Beck Ideology

By TRB

Back in 1968, my best friend's Dad was a member of the John Birch Society. The Birch Society had been founded in 1958 by a fellow named Robert Welch. John Birch himself died a heroes' death, killed by the Chinese Red Army under very classified conditions. The Defense Department fudged the details of his death, as they always do in these matters, and Birch's parents came to Washington D.C. and a dog and pony show took place, which led to the birth of the John Birch Society. At least that's what the JBS claims. Actually these nuts were out of the shell earlier.

Yes, they are extremist screwballs who believe there is a conspiracy behind every door. The Birch Society tried its best to keep fluoride out of drinking water for decades. Why? They were never quite sure. They tried to dismantle the United Nations. Why? Because that would mean letting all those "foreigners" into our country to look for better ways to get along and perhaps, avoid war

But mostly it was just a deep mistrust of government. How dare they put down and maintain highways. What gives them the right to integrate schools? FDR, which you could call the ultimate in Birch monsters, brought the government into places it didn't belong, like feeding starving children, helping to create jobs for people who didn't have a dime. As you might expect these occurrences of a healthy democracy just could not be tolerated.

So they set up Chapters all over the United States and they moved into neighborhoods and did some neighborly outreach, inviting as many as they could fit into a member's house to warn them off the commie, socialist government of the United States. They made brownies, drank gallons of coffee, but no matter how hard they tried the average U.S. citizen just didn't take them seriously.

I met them for the first time when I was a high school newspaper editor. I knew of their existence, like I knew of the Klan's existence, but beyond that I hadn't given them any thought. Then my best friend asked me over to his house one night, said his father wanted to talk to me. I inquired as to what it was about. But he wasn't clear on that.

When I arrived I was introduced to a man in a suit. They all wore suits. He had a projector and screen set up, a film he wanted me to see, but first he wanted to talk to me "man to man." Now in '68 I had hair down to my shoulders, I read Ramparts, I had a big lefty chip on my shoulder. Still do.

Anyway, I got my brownie and I got my coffee and the room went dark and the projector lit a bed sheet hanging on a wall. Suddenly, there was a military parade in Moscow and tanks, artillery pieces and line upon line of soldiers. And this person doing the voice-over, sounding like he maybe wanted to sell me some encyclopedias, began talking about how the whole world was upside down and it was all due to the commies running the U.S. government.

It went on like that for a while, more propaganda. Then some John Birch Society American "history," This is where I almost laughed out loud. It began with a full screen view of a white map of the United States. The encyclopedia salesman began to read off a laundry list of so-called communist and socialist polices the U.S.had developed over the years, dangerous things, like social security. As he continued with this litany of socialist sins the while map began to change color. First a light pink, then darker. And at last a full red - with a hammer and sickle emblazoned somewhere across Ohio.

But all was not lost if only the John Birch Society could get us back on the right path. Now the voice was telling me the many terrible things the U.S. could do to it's people to make the U.S. a safer and more morally aware nation. "They," the U.S. government actually thought they could help us. What nerve. Suddenly a giant Uncle Sam popped up out of the map armed with a paint can and brush. And he began to paint the U.S. a nice bright white again. And martial music was playing. The film was over.

The man in the suit was at my side asking me how I felt about it. I said I didn't know. He asked me if I was still going to read my valedictorian speech at graduation - you know the left-wing one. So this was what it was about? I shook his hand, thanked him for the brownie and left.

I forgot about the John Birch Society until just the other day when I heard they were making a comeback. The pundits were a bit perplexed about this until they zeroed in on Glenn Beck of Faux News, the King of Conspiracy. This man actually believes the communists started the revolution in Egypt. He believes he has found Babylon or some such place where all the tribes will meet soon to straighten this all out. He is certified and destroying his career everytime he opens his mouth.

But Faux news will let him bury himself. Meanwhile, it is coming back. The John Birch Society, the delusional extremist with his own television show. The Sarah Palin's. The Tea Party. The Republicans, who promise you nothing and give you less. U.S. politics are running back wards. And the kooks couldn't be any happier.